"Relational Savoring": Can this simple therapy technique improve relationships?
Do you know that warm feeling you get when you remember beautiful moments with a loved one? A psychologist explains how you can use it to strengthen your relationships.
Most of us have consciously recalled a pleasant moment with our partner, sister, or best friend and suddenly felt much closer to that person—even if we haven't spoken to them in weeks. We can also consciously use this method to improve our relationships. Californian psychology professor Dr. Jessica Borelli calls it "relational savoring."
This is what lies behind the idea of "Relational Savoring""I'm currently working on the idea that relationships can be a source of healing and that we can harness the power of relationships to bring about positive change in people's lives," she explains to "Oprah Daily." She believes "Relational Savoring" could help with just that.
The therapy technique specifically involves remembering positive moments with people close to us. For example, it might be a loving hug from our wife after a long, stressful day at work, or laughing with our friend until our stomachs hurt. These memories can help us feel closer to that person and more secure in the relationship.
Borelli's research confirms the effectiveness of the technologyDr. Jessica Borelli has already discovered in her research that "relational savoring" can increase emotional satisfaction in long-distance relationships and can also help new mothers connect with their baby and their needs .
In principle, this method can support us in a wide variety of situations, but according to the psychology professor, it can be particularly helpful for people who experienced insecurity or even trauma in their early relationships. "When we are raised by parents who treat us insensitively, we begin to believe that the world is full of people who will reject or ignore us, or that we can't trust anyone," she says. This makes it difficult to notice the moments when people actually treat us with love and care.
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Taking time to pause and relive positive experiences with others can help such individuals notice and appreciate the small signs of safety in their relationships. This can make relational savoring an important tool for healthy relationships.
Dr. Borelli herself also uses the technique: "At the end of each day, I really make an effort to reflect on the positive moments with my children, and I share them with my husband." It's often the little things—like a funny comment one of the children made or a loving hug before bedtime—that end up on Borelli's list.
This is exactly where we could start to use the therapy technique for ourselves and our relationships. Like a kind of gratitude journal, we could reflect on beautiful moments we've shared with our loved ones in the evening. Or we could consciously take time once a week to recall positive memories. Whichever method we choose, our mental health and our relationships will likely benefit.
mbl Brigitte
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