Psychology: This is the difference between healthy self-esteem and narcissism

First of all, let's look at the similarities: Both narcissism and healthy self-esteem involve a positive self-perception – but this perception differs greatly in both cases.

The popular opinion is that narcissistic people have a lot of self-confidence - even too much. But that's not true. While healthy self-confidence is all about seeing ourselves as valuable, in narcissistic people this self-esteem usually leads to people taking themselves too seriously and focusing very much on their own needs.

Self-confidence and narcissism: "I am valuable" vs. "I am special"

A person who has healthy self-esteem might say, "I am good and valuable," while a narcissistic person would say, "I am special" or "I am the best here." This person always puts themselves above others, while a confident person recognizes their own worth independent of others.

People with narcissistic tendencies feel superior to others, their entire self-image is based on external factors - how they see themselves in comparison to these others and, above all, how others see them. The supposedly good self-confidence quickly collapses like a house of cards when someone criticizes a narcissistic person.

On the other hand, if someone has a healthy self-confidence, this feeling of self-worth is detached from others - the person recognizes their value as a human being independent of the outside world and the opinions of others.

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Study examines the differences between narcissistic and confident people

A Dutch study led by Eddie Brummelman from the University of Amsterdam was able to identify this crucial difference in children. For the study, a group of 71 children aged four and a half were asked to sing a song in front of their parents, a person filming and one of the researchers. Before, during and after this performance, various vital signs and physiological reactions of the children were measured in order to evaluate how nervous they felt.

Three years later, at the age of seven and a half, the children were asked to fill out psychological questionnaires to find out whether they had narcissistic traits and/or how their self-confidence was.

The result of the study: The children who were later diagnosed with narcissism were very nervous, especially before the performance, while the children with healthy self-confidence were not particularly nervous before, after or during the performance.

Self-confidence does not depend on external circumstances

The researchers concluded that narcissistic people feel insecure when they fear being evaluated and judged. Those with healthy self-esteem, on the other hand, have internalized that they do not lose their value as a person even if they perform poorly, which is why they are not so afraid of it.

Of course, self-confident people can also suffer from stage fright and be afraid of speaking in front of a large number of people. But they can deal with a bad evaluation and the possibility of someone making fun of them better than fragile people with narcissistic tendencies. And this deeply rooted self-esteem, which is not dependent on external factors, is the crucial difference between narcissism and healthy self-confidence.

Sources used: psychologytoday.com, psychcentral.com

mbl Brigitte

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