The lubricant of self-esteem | Sex with Esther Column

Sometimes, things just don't flow. And it's not because of a lack of love, or tiredness, or because the bed creaked too much. Something simply disconnects. As if the ground floor and the soul aren't on the same wavelength. And the truth is, although many don't say it, sex isn't just friction: it's also reflection. An intimate mirror where each person sees themselves, measures themselves, judges themselves... or frees themselves.

Self-esteem, that capricious lady who sneaks into almost everything we do, also enters the bed. And it doesn't just enter: it settles between the sheets, observes, opines, and sometimes sabotages. Because when someone doesn't like themselves, they hardly let themselves be liked. When the body becomes an enemy or shame, it becomes a formality or a theatrics. And that, dear reader, lubricates nothing.

Fortunately, the opposite also happens. When a person feels good about themselves—not perfect, not divine, but comfortable and genuine—desire emerges without the need for fireworks. The bed becomes a refuge, not a stage. One plays, explores, and lets go. It ceases to be a performance test and finally becomes a journey without a stopwatch.

And here it's worth saying it clearly: feeling good about yourself isn't a matter of size, age, or sculpted abs. It's a matter of perspective, respect, and timely words. It's a matter of learning that the lower self isn't activated by judgment, but by presence. That enjoyment doesn't ask permission, but it does require care.

For many people, improving their self-esteem has been the real change in their sex lives. Not the new toy, not the change in pose, not the lingerie from a catalog. What has made the difference has been daring to strip away not only clothes, but also prejudices. Allowing themselves to feel without thinking about how they look. Inhabiting their bodies without apologies.

And if you want to talk about lubricants, let's talk about these too: trust, a sense of humor, tenderness, playfulness. Few things are as moist as a gaze that doesn't judge, hands that don't squirm, and a voice that says, "You're fine like this." Because that "fine like this" isn't forgotten. Not downstairs, not in the heart.

In short: it doesn't require perfect bodies, but rather available souls. People who love themselves enough to surrender without fear. People who know that pleasure begins within, long before they take off their clothes. People who understand that the best aphrodisiac doesn't come in bottles, but in the way one treats oneself.

Because when self-esteem lubricates, even silence becomes a moan. See you later.