I was so desperate I took psychedelics, seeing demons on the worst trip the clinic had ever seen. But I'm healed... and it'll save you too

Standing just behind California Governor Gavin Newsom as he signed a bill fast-tracking psychedelic research last month, I couldn’t help thinking how far we have all come.

Up to 44 veterans die by suicide every day in the US, more than the average daily fatalities in Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan combined. Nearly half have a mental health problem, such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and traumatic brain injury (TBI).

For decades, the medical establishment has tried to treat our struggling former servicemembers with a kaleidoscope of pills and antidepressants, which often do not help or leave them with long-term side effects.

But now, finally, doctors and officials are realizing that there is a potential new path for relief, and one that has been around for at least 2,000 years.

I should know. After 13 years as a Navy SEAL, I found myself emotionally destroyed. I would wake up at night screaming with terrible headaches; I would stay up drinking until 4am and I would not recognize the immense chaos I was causing for those closest to me.

Doctors diagnosed me with depression, anxiety, PTSD and a traumatic brain injury, as well as multiple lesions on my brain, likely from exposure to explosions, along with years of concussion from contact sports. I was given more pills than I could count, but nothing worked.

My family said they hated me, saying that even being near me was like walking on eggshells, while my wife, Amber, started to suffer from PTSD-like symptoms just from being around me.

It got to the point where, in 2017, just four years after I left the military, we started to make plans for divorce and for me to move out.

That was when my wife heard about a drug that was illegal in the US but available in Mexico, which friends said could help to ease my symptoms.

That drug was ibogaine, a psychedelic from the roots of a Central African shrub that causes hallucinations and convulsions. Some doctors also say it can help someone reprocess their trauma and ease suffering.

As a last ditch attempt, I traveled to Rosarito, Mexico, in November 2017, where I swallowed several pills of ibogaine at a psychedelic retreat.

I took it around a campfire. While on the drug, I wasn't worried because I was being fully monitored by doctors.

However, it was a rough experience, like watching back a movie of my life. I saw dead friends and my dead father. It was gory, disturbing and demonic at points. There was a lot of war and shooting. It was painful.

I vomited for most of the night, and the psychotherapist slept at the foot of my bed, saying mine was one of the toughest experiences she had ever seen in her 20 years of facilitating these treatments.

After six to eight hours, it was finally over, I felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was like someone had taken the chains off, and I was able to breathe again.

And, most importantly, I was able to feel again.

My wife had flown out to Mexico too, and when she came into the retreat after my experience, she said I was just like the man she knew in college.

'Holy s***', she said, 'I haven't seen this person in, like, 20 years.' The happy glow was there again on my face. You could just see it.

It isn't clear why ibogaine or other psychedelics may work, but experts say they might be able to 'rewire' the brain, helping someone to reprocess the traumatic experiences that may be driving certain behaviors.

That means someone can revisit and reprocess an experience in their past that may be causing them to have PTSD symptoms, helping to ease their suffering.

Some studies suggest they can make nerve cells in the brain more plastic, or flexible, helping them to rewrite old connections and form new ones.

In the US, ibogaine is considered a Schedule I substance, alongside heroin, ecstasy and LSD.

The scheduling also means, according to the federal government, users may have a high risk of addiction and that there is no accepted medical use for the drug.

Currently, the drug is taken at treatment centers in Mexico, Brazil, Australia, some countries in Europe and others, where it is legal to use, with doctors normally supervising in case of emergencies.

Many patients taking the psychedelic experience nausea, vomiting and tremors. In serious, but extremely rare, cases, patients suffer from seizures or heart problems.

About 33 people have died after taking the drug between 1990 and 2020, according to a 2021 study, although these mostly took place at retreats with no physicians. This is also a tiny fraction of the at least 10,000 people who are estimated to have taken the drug globally in recent years.

But the number of people it has helped speaks for itself.

In one 2024 study on 30 veterans who took the drug, 88 percent reported a reduction in their PTSD symptoms, 87 percent saw a reduction in their depression and 81 percent saw a reduction in their anxiety within a month of treatment compared to beforehand.

Another 2020 paper, involving 51 US veterans who took ibogaine in Mexico, found that participants had a 'very large reduction' in symptoms related to PTSD, depression, anxiety and cognitive impairment after a month.

While ibogaine helped immensely, I still attend therapy sessions with Dr Michael Sapiro, a licensed psychologist and Buddhist monk. I will likely need it indefinitely.

I have done the drug three times since, and after the fourth time, I feel largely at peace.

Following that first experience, my wife and I were inspired to get other veterans to also take the drug.

We founded a nonprofit, Veterans Exploring Treatment Solutions (VETS), which funds flights and treatments for veterans who want to use psychedelics to ease their symptoms. We've helped more than 1,200 veterans and spouses so far, with more than 91 percent saying it turned their lives around.

It's also led to my campaign work to get more research and funding into ibogaine, which has led me to be standing behind the governor of California last month as he signed Assembly Bill 1103, which will speed up the approval of studies involving ibogaine and other psychedelics in California.

We were also instrumental in Texas, helping to pass legislation that allocates $50million for state-backed research into ibogaine, matched with $50million from a drug developer. To date, the work we've spearheaded has raised more than $118million to fund psychedelic-assisted therapy.

Psychedelics are now gaining bipartisan support as a way to treat mental suffering.

As well as the bill in Democrat-led California, the Trump administration has seized on the potential of psychedelics, with Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F Kennedy Jr saying to Congress in July: 'This line of therapeutics has tremendous advantage if given in a clinical setting and we are working very hard to make sure that happens within 12 months.'

States are also taking notice. Arizona and Texas have both put aside funds to study ibogaine, while Colorado is seeking to start using the drug in the state. And 10 others are taking action to make the drug more accessible.

I'm not sure where the work will take me next, but I have high hopes.