Ana Canosa: Your pleasure is yours alone: ​​why orgasm is not a gift for someone else to give you

Just imagine: you could make a wedding registry: "We need cutlery, a pressure cooker and about 50 orgasms ready to use." And, of course, for those on a tight budget, you could pay in installments: "3 orgasms today, 2 next week, we'll get the rest by the end of the month!"

But the truth is that, although no one gives anyone an orgasm, the other person can facilitate the process: by being open, curious about our bodies and desires, willing to ask questions, listen, and experiment without rushing. They can be well-intentioned in stimulating our erogenous zones, know how to use their tongue, fingers, toys, and be skillful. Even so — often this alone is not enough.

Because pleasure is a two-way street: if on one side there is surrender and stimulation, on the other there needs to be permission, presence, connection. And that is yours.

Most women reach climax when they connect with their own bodies, when they allow themselves to do so, when they are not held captive by shame, guilt or thoughts that have nothing to do with pleasure.

And even knowing this, so many people still settle for boring — if not painful — sex.

We grow up associating sex with penetration. However, for most women, pleasure really resides in the clitoris, which needs direct stimulation to really get going.